So... That happened!

This city may very well play a big part in my future!

I love being able to say that the reason why I haven't written anything here is because I have been busy and not have that be empty words, because I have definitely had some other things to deal with.
My tinnitus is making things really difficult and I am exhausted because not only was the final two months of school very intense, but beyond that I also took up a job at a grocery store near where I live, which has strained me even further. I could be doing a whole lot better physically and mentally in many aspects, to say the least. 

 
However, let's focus on the positives. In April, I saw a post on Facebook which invited people interested in learning Korean in South Korea to a Korean themed evening, and although I had no plans of going through this particular agency since my plans were always to go through Stockholm University after about a year of studying there or so, I still signed up with haste and jotted down the date in my calendar.
In early May, when the meeting was set to take place I started to feel nervous about the whole thing. About the volume, the amount of people, the music. Quite frankly I was scared about everything. School was starting to get to the aforementioned spike of intensity and my ears were getting worse. Along with this some personal issues related to one of the projects occupied my mind, making everything much more difficult than I would have liked. 

 
The most stressful thing however remained the fact that at the meeting, representatives from the University in Seoul would be present and would be handing out two scholarships at the end of the evening.
I talked to an acquaintance from school the night before this meeting and remember telling her that "since I don't want to go through these people, I bet I'll end up winning one". 

The next afternoon I went to the meeting, got piled into a room filled with late teens and twenty-somethings and soon realized that almost everyone seemed to have been drawn there by the same things. K-pop and Korean TV dramas. In fact I felt a little under dressed (until I realized that I was the only one in the room seemingly who knew ACTUAL facts about Korea including when the Korean War started). Also, it became clear that everyone else there was fully intent on walking home with a scholarship. 

 
The meeting started, and the guy from the agency starts talking about them, about the trips they do and the benefits of going through them, and about 30 minutes in something terribly wonderful happens. They have me. Somewhere between the numbers of how much the trip will cost and the benefits of always having someone back home as support should something bad happen I surrender my will to the idea that going through this agency is as good a deal as any. And mostly; it doesn't require me studying for over a year before going. 

After a fun talk about the history and current state of the school from which these two representatives come I am even more sold on the idea. Big school, large campus, dorms, as close to a college experience I will ever have, all in the heart of Seoul. 

At this point I want to rush out of the room and go home and pack my suitcase.
I still however, have my reservations about the scholarship. I see people around the room who are almost drooling over the idea of getting their hands on it, and considering how I less than an hour ago directly didn't want to win it, it almost feels wrong for me to win now. 

 
But I did. It came down to the classic "write down a reason why you deserve to win this scholarship". Writing, my best quality. I write down something honest, but in no way indicating of the desperation I feel for my current situation. No, I write down the story of how I on Christmas of last year came home drunk from my family Christmas party and decided to take a walk around the neighborhood to get some air. How I decided to go home and learn Hangul and proceeded to do so. I wrote that if you decide to do  something when you are drunk, you know that it's in your heart and that your intentions are genuine. I also wrote some stuff about my plans for my writing and how one particular story can't be done unless I go to South Korea, but I'd like to think that the whole drinking-part was the real reason. Especially considering the Korean drinking culture. We took photos, and then I bolted out of the door. To be honest I felt a little like Charlie from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. If I didn't run straight home with the red folder clutched in hand it might vanish, or be stolen by one of the other, obviously envious people in the room.
Even now as I sit here writing this it feels surreal. I've started planning properly, making lists over books I want to bring, movies to take out of their cases and put in CD-folders  and just small things that need to be worked out before the time comes, but still it feels completely insane that it might actually happen.
I rang one of my friends up and told her I had won, and she said that it was good since she knows I am the kind of guy who talks big and dreams even bigger, but I can't even approach a girl I am head-over-heels in love with, so how could I ever be trusted to take the plunge and move halfway across the world unless something nudged me in the right direction? 

 
For someone who is an absolute skeptic to religion and the whole notion of their being any sort of divine being that has control over everything that goes on around us I am still always looking for signs. Signs of things that I should do, people that may or may not become dear companions in the future and so on, and with all my problems with my hearing and everything in my life at the time being this scholarship means something far greater than some saved expenses when it comes to travel and schooling. It means that something out there wants me to go. When I doubted something pushed forward and no matter how bad things get between here and the end of March next year one thing is certain; I will keep going. I've gotten this far, and with only 8 months to go I just have to keep pushing, I owe myself, and whatever force out there that has obviously invested something in me that much. 

Oh, and I got accepted to Korean at the University of Stockholm for the fall semester, along with two smaller courses about the Relationship Between Contemporary North and South Korea as well as Culture in the Regions of Korea, which sound really interesting. I am overworked as hell, but with four weeks to go till school starts I don't think I have ever been so ready to return to school. I will make sure to update when I have time. Until then, have a good one!